Christmas Q & A

Christmas Q & A


Q. Why do reindeer have red noses?
A. They are not equipped with ABS and thus tend to bump into things on slippery surfaces. This is why Santa is often seen with a red nose (the sleigh doesn't have an airbag, either).

Q. Why does Santa use Elves?
A. There is no trade union for Elves. They're easy to exploit.

Q. Is there really a Mrs. Claus?
A. Highly unlikely. Since Santa is surrounded by male figures (Elves, reindeer named Rudolph, Donner, Blitzen etc.) his sexual preference seems to tend towards homosexuality. He is said to
have some problems finding a gerontophile/zoophile Elf for a threesome with a reindeer, though.

Q. Does Santa really live on the North Pole?
A. Uncertain. However, rumor has it that the story of Santa and the North Pole has nothing to do with the Arctic, but that Santa is known to frequently ask the Elves and reindeer if he can shove his pole up north. Obviously, this is related to the cryptic description "up where the sun don't shine", which applies to both the North Pole and assholes in general.

Q. Does Santa really work all year round making toys?
A. Get real! Check the box in which the Christmas gift came! Does it say "Made at the North Pole"? ("Made in China" more likely!)

Q. Then what does he DO all year?
A. Uncertain. Chasing Elves and reindeer, most likely. Maybe he spends his winters in Florida.

Q. Is the story about the little angel and the Christmas tree true?
A. Without a doubt. Santa has a temper and can develop a nasty attitude (he doesn't take stress too well).

Q. If so, why do the little angels on Christmas trees look happy (given the fact they have a tree up theirs)?
A. Little angels are known to be kinky.

Q. Do the polar bears on the North Pole cause Santa any trouble?
A. Not since Santa equipped the guard Elves with M-61 submachine guns.

Q. So Santa is basically a gun-crazy, homosexual, angry old man who exploits little Elves, fools around all day, and drives around in a sleigh that lacks basic security measures?
A. You forgot about the bestiality thing.

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The History Behind Popular Christmas Decorations

The History Behind Popular Christmas Decorations

With Thanksgiving now over and done with, it's time to focus all of our energy and attention on the Christmas. That means dragging those old boxes of holiday tinsel and Christmas ornaments that have been in the family for decades. Year after year, we all go through the motions - draping our trees in holiday lights, hanging those precious handmade ornaments from our kids - but have we ever really stopped to think about where these traditions came from? Here is a little bit of history on some of the most popular Christmas decorations!

1.) Tinsel:

Holiday tinsel has its origins in 17th century Germany, when it was made from actual shredded silver. Invented in Nuremburg in or around 1610, the word "tinsel" comes from the old French word "entincle," meaning to sparkle. Back in the old days, holiday tinsel had lead in it which helped the strands hang better from the tree branches.

2.) Christmas Trees:

While Christmas Trees (or Yule Trees) in their current form are a more recent tradition, evergreens have long been worshipped and admired. Ancient Egyptians and Romans alike celebrated the arrival of the winter solstice with evergreens. During the Middle Ages, Europeans were thought to have placed evergreen trees in their homes, symbolizing hope. According to legend, Martin Luther started the tradition of decorating evergreens in celebration of the Christmas holiday. The tradition is thought to have come into the United States by means of the Hessian troops during the American Revolution. Christmas Trees gained popularity in the mid 19th century and continued into the 20th century where they remain a big seasonal business.

Toward the end of the 18th century, artificial trees started appearing. Artificial Christmas trees too, found their origin in Germany, when they were made with metal wires and covered with feathers from geese, turkeys, ostriches and even swans. Died green, the feathers were representative of the needles found on evergreens. The 1930s saw the creation of artificial trees made from brush bristles, similar to the material used to make toilet brushes. Manufactured by the Addis Brush Company, the Addis Silver Pine tree received its patent in 1950.

3.) Christmas Tree Angel:

The angel or star traditionally placed atop a Christmas tree represents the host of angels or the Star of Bethlehem - both from the Nativity story.

4.) Christmas Ornaments:

The tradition of adorning a Christmas tree with various ornaments started in 16th century Germany, where the German people decorated their evergreens with food - usually small white pastries cut into stars, angels, flowers and other festive shapes. Apples, onions, pears, nuts and candies were also used in the 16th and 17th centuries in Europe. Hand blown glass ornaments emerged out of Lauscha, Germany and slowly began to replace edible decorations. In the late 19th century, mould-blown and painted glass ornaments emerged as a popular holiday decoration. F.W. Woolworth became the first North American retailer to sell glass ornaments, eventually doing over $25 million in revenue from ornaments alone. Today ornaments are still big business for many retailers and antique ornaments are in high demand from collectors all over the world.

5.) Christmas Lights:

The tradition of illuminating the Christmas Tree can be traced back to the middle of the 17th century, where small candles were attached to the ends of tree branches, affixed to the branches with wax or small pins. Since people were using candles, the risk of fire was pretty great and as a result trees weren't put up until the last possible moment. The American custom of using electric lights began in the late 19th century with Edward Johnson, an associate of Thomas Edison. Using hand-wired red, white and blue bulbs, Johnson wrapped these lights around a rotating evergreen.

President Grover Cleveland displayed an illuminated tree at the end of the 19th century, which increased the consumer demand for these lights. As a result General Electric began manufacturing hand-blow bulbs on strings, but these were complicated and required a professional "wireman" to install. 1903 saw the introduction of screw-in bulbs attached to a cord that could be plugged into the wall. Today, Christmas lights continue to evolve with a new trend in eco-friendly LED lights. LEDs are cool to the touch and last a lot longer than traditional lights made from Edison's incandescent bulbs.

This season, before you start to decorate your family Christmas tree - why not sit everyone down for a little history lesson. It's interesting, yet not surprising, that a lot of our holiday traditions come from Europe. It's really easy to just go through the motions when decorating for the holidays, but knowing the history makes the process all the more exciting.

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Christmas Stories : Story 1

When Rome was a great Empire ruled by Caesar Augustus and Israel was governed by King Herod, in the village of Nazareth lived Joseph and Mary. Joseph was a carpenter and Mary was a young virgin who would become his wife. Mary told Joseph of a dream in which she was visited by an angel who told her she had been chosen to bear the Son of God and his name was to be Jesus.

One day the emperor sent notice that all persons were to register for a new tax. They were instructed to return to the towns of their birth. Joseph and Mary left Nazareth for Bethlehem. Mary who was with child, and close to the birth, rode on a donkey while Joseph walked beside her. They traveled for many days and only rested at night.


When they reached Bethlehem it was night. They looked for a place to rest but there were no empty rooms when they reached the inn. As they were being turned away Joseph mentioned his wife was with child and close to birth. The inn keeper took pity on them and told them of some caves in the nearby hills that shepherds would stay with their cows and sheep.

So Joseph and Mary went up into the hills and found the caves. In one cave was a stable room. Joseph cleaned it and made beds of fresh hay. He found a feeding trough which he cleaned and filled with hay to use as a crib. The next night Mary gave birth to a son and they named him Jesus, as the angel had said.

When the child was born a great star appeared over Bethlehem that could be seen for miles around. In the fields nearby shepards were tending their flocks. An angel appeared to them surrounded by bright light. The shepherds were frightened and tried to run.

"Fear Not," said the angel, "For I bring you tidings of great joy. For unto you is born this day in Bethlehem - a Saviour who is Christ the Lord."

"And this shall be a sign unto you. You shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger."

Suddenly the sky was filled with angels, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the Highest, and on Earth peace, good will toward men."

After the angels departed the shepards set out for Bethlehem. When they reached the cave they found the stable and inside was the child wrapped in swaddling clothes.

As the star shined over Bethlehem, in the east three kings would see it. They knew it was a sign and they set off to follow the star. There was Caspar - the young King of Tarsus, Melchior - a long bearded old man and leader of Arabia, and Balthazar - the king from Ethiopia. They traveled on camels for many days over the mountains, and through the deserts, and plains. Always following the bright star.

When they finally arrived in Bethlehem they found the child in the manger. The 3 kings bowed to their knees and offered gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. They would stay the night in the cave and the next day returned to their lands to spread the news.

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